Grab Your Hoodie...

It’s the perfect time of year to talk about scary movies!  Everyone has his or her favorites.  Some scary movies are truly horrific, while others are horrifically awful.  A movie that is classified as a horror or suspense sometimes needs protective wear.  Take the hoodie for example.  It keeps you warm in the way too cold theaters. (Especially for some reason if you are watching a film that takes place in the snow.  I for one will definitely be taking one for the upcoming film The Thing.)  The hoodie not only keeps you warm in the theater, but it offers a viewer a way of escape, keeping the terror at bay as your head is brought into the folds of fabric, keeping you safe from something that might POP out at you.  Even if you go to the theater in the middle of the day during 80 degree heat wave, out you still grab the hoodie for your “protection.” Yes, some may laugh at the spectacle, but there is something about covering one’s head that makes viewing a little bit easier. Here is a rating system to help you with your scary movie viewing.

No Hoodie Necessary

You may enter a theater with a hoodie in preparation for the scary scenes to unfold, but walk out without even putting the hoodie on.  This rating would go for such movies as your tongue-in-check Shaun of the Dead or the really dumb horror flicks like Scary Movie 57.

1 Hoodie

For movies that fall into the 1 Hoodie rating, these are your oldie but goodie hoodie flicks.  The dated slasher flicks with predictable jump scenes with the likes of Mike Myers and Jason Voorhees.  Sometimes the hoodie comes off halfway through when the viewer is more enthralled with the campiness of the film rather than the scare factor. 

2 Hoodie

Here we get a little bit more serious.  The hoodie will probably stay on throughout the movie. A 2 Hoodie rating is for your more suspenseful stories such as Mothman Prophecies or What Lies Beneath.  A few jump scenes and unpredictable events (thus classifying it as suspenseful) leave the hoodie on in case this 2 Hoodie rating jumps to a 3 Hoodie rating.

3 Hoodie

A 3 Hoodie holds onto suspense and carries throughout the film.  These are the films that don’t have slow narrative that explains the existence of the horror, but continually keeps the audience in its grasp as it twists and turns through the plot.  Many jump scenes through out, leaving the hands at the ready in case one’s eyes need to be covered.  This rating is for some of the darker classic tales, such as The Shining or Amityville Horror.

4 Hoodie

Not for the faint of heart…sometimes these 4 Hoodie rating movies need to come with a warning label.  Adding onto the 3 Hoodie rating, is the “stay with you moments.” These movies leave an impression on you with vivid scenes that haut your mind.  Like a train wreck, your eyes can’t be averted from what is playing before you.  (Like the small Japanese boy sitting in the corner staring at Sarah Michelle Gellar in The Grudge.   Yeah, you remember that.)  The hands may offer some shielding, but you still peak between the fingers.  You definitely drag your friend with you to the bathroom after the movie and may have a hard time falling asleep, but by dawn it was as if it were just a bad dream.

5 Hoodie

For the Die Hards—these are by far the most haunting tales as they literally stay with you for weeks after.  Hands definitely fly up to the face as that all too familiar creepy music starts playing.  (“Tip Toe Through the Tulips” will never be the same to me again.)  You lean in closer to your friend or your significant other (or if it is really scary a complete stranger), grasping their arm with one hand and covering your face with the other, yet still peeking through your fingers because you want to watch and you paid $35 for the ticket, popcorn, & soda.  You definitely don’t want to be alone afterward and you even make plans to stay the night with your friend, in the same bed, with the light on, and a Bible on top of your chest.  And yet when you still get goose bumps from thinking about the 5 Hoodie Scary Movie, you can’t wait to grab your hoodie and head out to the theater to be terrified all over again.

Next Time on Ellipses…Top 10 Scary Movies.